just a bit healthier

Today, as I served myself a sweet potato for lunch, I added the necessary amount of butter (a heaping scoop, yes? maybe two?) and a large chunk of brown sugar. When I realized that the amount of brown sugar I had already scooped out was far too much and too unhealthy for my potato, I did the logical thing. I ate it. Yes, I just popped it in. My rational was that I was not eating too much sugar on my potato and this was the healthier option. Hmmm. And until now, oddly, this never seemed illogical! I guess my brain started working before the sugar could get to it today!

This is all much like adding more butter so you are eating more veggies, or making the cookies smaller so you can eat more, or the chocolate bar divied out over the course of the day in small bites, or the idea that I cannot see the sticks of butter once incorporated to a baked item therefore they do not exist.

And just when I thought all of this healthy thinking was important, my son asked what an asteroid was. In all the explanation of space matter, planets, rotations, the importance of the sun, I got the big overwhelming fear and shock of what is important and how fragile things are.  The days are like that – torn between the little details and the BIG picture. Not in an all-powerful-being kind of way, just a oh-wow kind of way. How humans actually fit into the picture, the great difference in everyone, the great similarity in everyone, how important some things feel and how important some things are. And then I feel small and out of control and a bit saddened by things happening now.

So I guess, to cheer me up, I need another bite of brown sugar, and maybe a cookie, and, oh yes, butter and sugar with a side of potato. And I feel lucky I can eat these things and think these things and write these things, though not always clearly articulating exactly what I am feeling while doing it!

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8 Comments

  1. Noelle Allison said,

    June 10, 2010 at 12:05 am

    I’ve been thinking along the same lines lately….how can I be so important and so unimportant at the same time. On a global or universal scale, my existence doesn’t even register, but on a personal scale it is inextricably intertwined with so many other lives. It is mind-boggling 🙂 In perspective of my faith, it has led to a lot of musing about why God should be personally involved in my insignificant life, awe-ful to ponder the creator and sustainer of the universe actually paying attention to where I left my car keys or whether my husband & I get along. It was part of the scripture reading on Sunday “I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder ‘Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?'” I think that is what makes this work of motherhood (personhood, really, but I think it is intensified in the mothering of small children) at once so sacred and so mundane. When we can taste the joy and beauty of those mundane moments, and maybe find freedom in the paradox of being insignificant and extraordinary, well…..things get a little cosmic 🙂

    • montessorimama said,

      June 10, 2010 at 12:19 am

      The rapidness of trying to ‘process’ it all… my brain is a jumble of thoughts these days going between making the PB&J, starving people, the end of the universe, space exploration, buying new shoes, the world we are leaving for the next generation and our children’s children’s children we will never know, picking up messes, folding laundry for the zillionth time, and how so small *I* am. When I was a child, I knew there were a lot of people. But now, geez, that is A LOT. And the havoc we are wrecking on the world. And where do we go when we have trashed it out? And so forth… The day is a rollercoaster of emotions from each stream of thought. Glad to know I am not alone this week, this day.

      • Noelle Allison said,

        June 10, 2010 at 1:18 am

        I’m totally with you. The second half of that Psalm, when they read it in church, just made me weep. It talks about this amazing world God made, and how He gave us authority over it. All I could think about was the oil gushing into the Gulf, the poor innocent birds and fish and dolphins and everything being destroyed by our insatiable appetites…..I just wanted to say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry….” It hurts. And somehow, (I believe) there’s redemptive and re-creative hope for our selfish, tiny souls and this beautiful world that suffers because of us. But it is so hard to see these days.

  2. Molly S said,

    June 12, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    “Oh, the terror and the glory.” (Or the agony and the ecstasy.) This quote from my college roommate’s blog resonates with me after reading your entry today. Here’s a link to her entry from a few days ago http://galabent.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/leaking-agony-ecstasy/ . I’m back in town and hoping to make it to knit tomorrow night. I’ve been so caught up in keeping up lately that I haven’t been keeping up with all of you! Hope to see you soon,
    m

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