I want to be a Radical Homemaker right now!

I am currently reading the book Radical Homemakers. I am loving this book… really, really loving it. Generally, well, my interpretation, it is re-examining the way we live and saying we need to return back to the family and working as a family to care for ourselves for greater satisfaction in our lives. It covers what steps I have made towards a different way of living already and what I feel I want to change to get to how I want to live. But today I felt overwhelmed by my inability to change things right now. I tend to live this way in my spending, my work, my leisure even. If I cannot get something done at the very moment I want it done, I tend to want it done as soon as possible. But what if it is not possible? What if it takes months or years? Then I tend to get very down on myself or the goal and have often given up or settled for less. With such lofty goals and what I see as a modern-day of attitude of right now, I am struggling with how to plan for a future and continue to make the steps towards it.

You see as I read this book, I was working out at the Y and just this morning made a purchase on Etsy for something I could have made because I wanted it right then. And I justify why I am at the Y and why I get things I could make and why I do not make all my own food and why we have three cars in the driveway and so forth. But in these back steps, I need to start recognizing forward momentum towards the goal and start making plans for taking bigger steps to get where I actually want to be, even if they are years down the road.

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down and more down

When you are already contemplating life and what you are doing with it, how you got to this point, and what you want to do different and why you cannot do it, and how you will never do some things, it is a bad idea to watch a cheesy romance. While it seems like an excellent escape, it really makes you just wish that some (mythical?) handsome european man, with a luscious accent, would come sweep you off your feet. I mean in seven years with said (mythical) man, things would be just as great as the first day, right??

Ha! First laugh all day.

hitting a rock

When it comes to your spouse, that relationship can be rocky. And if it is not, it tends to not get that much attention. Some people are obviously better at valuing their relationship, taking care of it. But here, well, we have been on cruise lately. And last night, we hit a rock. And it felt like a big one. (Funny, we tend to hit the same rock over and over again.)

Our big issue is the balance of family time and work time. But the bigger issue is that my spouse feels he does not need to involve me in his work obligations. I get angry over too much work time AND not being aware of obligations that will impact our time as a family. So if the work day extends beyond agreed upon times, or if a new meeting comes up, I expect to know. Anything that effects family time needs to involve spouses talking.

Any additional work takes away from family time and jobs we need to get done at home. (despite being a stay at home mother, a lot of tasks just feel impossible to accomplish between naps, feeding children, cleaning children, helping children.)  It does not mean that it can be changed or that a compromise will always feel satisfactory, but, keeping a spouse out of the loop until the meeting is the next day or signing up for additional duties with no regard – well that is a recipe for disaster. Essentially, my spouse forgot to buckle his safety belt and we hit the rock.

The problem the next day is when promises are made (my husband survived the crash) and are taken to mean something. I wonder where will we be in a few weeks. Though my husband swears it will different, you might hear me yelling – ‘Look out, big rock!’ – along with some other choice words.